I don’t think I’ve told you all that a few weeks ago I was unexpectantly invited to stay at Ragdale in Illinois for almost a month. long story short I applied in the spring but wasn’t accepted, a few weeks ago I received an email congratulating me on receiving the Creative Access Fellowship. Of course, I accepted it, I wanted it, but something kept popping up in my mind. I would be away from my mom and sister.
As you all know by now my family and I had to live in a domestic violence shelter for a good chunk of the year and for the other part of it we were homeless and abused daily. It wasn’t until August we had found a home of our own and could finally leave the shelter. This is the first time this year I’ve been away from my mom and sister. We’ve been together every step of the way during this tough year. I miss them and I know I’ll miss them every day but I also know that I have to do what will help my career. I’ve been given a wonderful gift and that is time to do what I’ve loved since I was a little girl.
I at a strange point in my career. I’ve been doing journalism and nonfiction since graduating high school, but before that I only wrote fiction, now I’m getting back into fiction (science fiction and horror) and to be honest I’m stuck, worried, and I’m trying to build up the confidence. I just keep thinking to myself “I can do more then review a face mask, I can write good fiction if I really work hard at it” but that’s easier said than done.
I’m only 25 and I’m still figuring myself out and I’ll probably be figuring myself out for awhile, that’s life right? All I know is that I want to be a writer. I want to change the world in some way, I don’t know how yet. I want to make a difference.
Today I got up really early (5 am early) and got started on my day. I had cereal and fruit for breakfast and tea of course. I did my brand new “travel skincare routine” (I basically used my Chanel eye mask all over my face because I have no other moisturizer and I forgot my regular products back at home) and I decided to write but the weird thing is I couldn’t. As much as I tried I found myself just staring at the screen of my computer. I keep telling myself not to put pressure on myself but I was chosen for a reason and I should use this time wisely but all I could do today was read. Hopefully, tomorrow is better.