This is me being completely real with you all. I don’t care who thinks that I should get over it or who thinks that I’m being dramatic. I don’t care, because my ex Ice King was so emotionally abusive even after I let him back into my life as a friend that I am still dealing with what he did to me.
I was so optimistic the beginning of this year but that quickly went away. What came instead was a lot of pain. For instance, I constantly have nightmares about him. I get anxiety when his name is even mentioned, I get anxiety so bad that I physically feel sick. I’ve never experienced nightmares, but now I do and it’s like I have to deal with him every night. Nightmares so bad that I wake up in tears.
I was so happy about coming out as bisexual and trying to meet someone who was kind, gentle, and understanding. Instead I met some really awful people, and the ones who weren’t awful I realized that I couldn’t even talk to. I couldn’t talk because my ex was someone who told me that what I had to say wasn’t important. It’s so hard for me to keep a conversation going if I’m lucky enough to get one started. I don’t know how to interact with the opposite sex or same sex. I constantly feel uncomfortable.
This year I feel like whatever confidence I had about being disabled is just wiped out. Even though I have a great support system I still feel alone. It’s so hard for me to even trust what someone says. My anxiety is terrible and so is my OCD.
As much as I would love to be cheerful and confident on this blog, right now I can’t. Right now I have to focus on getting better with the help of a new therapist and taking control of my mental health. I won’t promise that I will always post the most inspiring content (maybe this post isn’t even inspiring) but I do promise to be honest, and honestly I’m going through some personal things that just really suck. But I’m strong and even if I don’t feel like it right now, I’ll get through this.
Emotional abuse is still abuse and it hurts just as much as any other abuse. If you take anything from this post, just know that help is available and you’re not alone. We all deserve happiness.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline number: 1-800-799-7233
If you’re deaf or hard of hearing: 1-800-787-3224