I first learned about Sylvia Plath in my sophomore year of high school. We were reading Mad Girl’s Love Song and learning how to write villanelle style poetry.
That’s when everything made sense. I’ve had anxiety and depression since a little girl but up until that point I didn’t understand what was wrong with me, I didn’t know there was a cause for my sadness and anxious behavior.
I read that poem and made a friend. I read that poem and had a person who understood me.
Then the inevitable happened and I researched Plath and realized she was dead.
She was dead and would never know how she changed my life.
When Zephyr broke up with me I was in a very dark place. To be honest, we were both not mentally healthy enough to be together and the breakup made things hard for us both. I understand now that as I was suffering he was suffering, too.
But that summer was hard for me. I was in such a dark place that I thought there was no way out. I didn’t think I would make it. Typing this now brings back those stomach-turning feelings. I went back to the comfort of Sylvia Plath. I read her poetry, read The Bell Jar, and during that time wrote a large amount of poetry and short stories in a short amount of time (some have been published, but I don’t plan on publishing the rest).
It was an awful time for me. I then had a little epiphany. As much as I loved Sylvia Plath’s work I knew that she would never know how she touched me because she took her own life.
I didn’t want that and I don’t want it now. If I write something and it touches someone or helps them I want them to be able to tell me.
Unexpectedly, Sylvia Plath helped me again. She saved me from making a terrible mistake. That’s when I got the help I needed.
I made it, I got through it and got better. I know that sometimes hard situations feel hopeless, but I promise that you’ll get through it. Don’t do something with permanent consequences to fix a temporary situation.
You’re stronger than you feel in your lowest moment. It’ll go away and you’ll feel better.
I’m here. You’re here. We made it. It will be okay.
If you need someone to talk to don’t be afraid to reach out to me or someone else.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
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