Family+Same Nightmare


 

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“Certain things, they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone.”
J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Salinger said it best, things should stay the same, well, the good things. Lately I feel like every time I wake up my nightmare gets even more awful. Many of you know about the robbery, but more recently my mother was physically attacked on the bus. I feel like there’s no way things could get any worse. But everyday I wake up I prove myself wrong.  Over this past semester my family and I have been through hell. I’ve been through things I haven’t even told you all. I’m not sure if I’m strong or just going with the flow at the this point. I’ve never been more excited for a break. I’ve never been more excited to get away from an environment..

I won’t normally share my tarot readings with you all, but I did one last night and it told me to watch out for someone. They want to take away my happiness because of the lack of happiness in their life. I’ll be honest with you all, I can’t deal with anymore negativity.. I trust only a few people and I don’t have much happiness to be stolen from me.

I am trying though. I can’t sleep during the nights without waking up with anxiety so I’m finding ways to ease this. I’ve been eating three meals everyday even if I don’t have a full appetite. I’ve been writing in my journal to get feelings out, because I still don’t trust people enough to talk through my anxiety. Sometimes when you share your weaknesses with some people they use it against you and I don’t need anyone to go around saying I’m “crazy” because I have anxiety and depression.

But most importantly, I’m getting up everyday. No matter the workload, no matter how tired my eyes may be, no matter the unhappiness I feel right now, I get up and I push through. Maybe I am strong, I don’t know.

I don’t have the answers for a lot of things anymore.

Keep going strong guys, we’ll push through. All of us.

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