I spent all day yesterday with Mr. Not Ready, which was great. We
he spent majority of the day sleeping but nonetheless it was a good day. There was a huge problem though, I realized that I pick the same men. I pick men who I think I can save. I thought I could save Ice King, well we thought we could save each other. I thought that Mr. Gorgeous Eyes would change things in his life to make time for us, because he wants me but I guess other things in his life are more important. Mr. Not Ready isn’t ready of course, and when we were together yesterday I felt like I was with Ice King. Not the bad parts of Ice King but the good parts. It almost freaked me out.
I have this bad habit, and it seriously needs to stop. I also realized something else. As pathetic as it sound I know who I want to be with, Mr. Gorgeous Eyes. He told me his life is chaotic right now, but that he has feelings for me. That the feelings never left, and he hasn’t gotten over them. I just want things to calm down in his life. I sound like a cranky child, but this is the person I want to be with.even though I just said in the first paragraph that I choose the wrong men and he’s one of them. But if time is the only issue and we really want each other why can’t we just make it work?
Yesterday Mr. Not Ready asked me to be more open about my feelings with him, I was and told him that I was afraid to develop feelings for him and get hurt, I think at that moment we both realized that even though we liked hanging out with each other we’re both in two different parts in our lives. He’s fresh out of a breakup and I don’t want someone I can’t have right now.
Mr. Not Ready told me he had fun with me yesterday, but he still felt alone and sad. I felt sad too because I couldn’t stop thinking about Mr. Gorgeous Eyes. We were just two lonely hearts trying to find comfort and it didn’t help. What can help?