When Mr. Gorgeous Eyes and I first started talking he let me know that as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t be in a serious relationship right now due to problems involving his family. I respected that and thought that it was honorable. Instead of leading me on he was honest upfront.
Yes, the connection is still there but I know that it couldn’t work out right now. I wish it could, but I don’t want to get hurt or unintentionally ignored or left out. I’m a creature that craves passion and adventure. I think Mr. Gorgeous Eyes could be that person, just not yet. When we had dinner together he couldn’t stop talking about his family and I thought that was so sweet. Even being 28 he still cares for the wellbeing of his family. He’s willing to sacrifice something he wants for what they need.
I admire him for that because he works so hard to help them financially and emotionally. I don’t need anyone to support me financially, I don’t need fancy dinners or fancy gifts. I need someone with good character. Someone with a good heart. Gorgeous Eyes is always tired and always sick it seems, but somehow he still makes time for his parents and siblings. He still makes time for his oldest friends and he even makes time for me. Not all the time, but I don’t need all of his time. I just need to know that he’s still around.
I’m glad he stumbled into my life, because now I know what I deserve. I deserve someone with a caring heart and golden soul. Someone who will make me laugh, relax me when I want to cry. Maybe he won’t be that guy. Maybe he will be that man for some other girl, but thanks to him I know what I deserve.
I also know that I deserve the future I want. I deserve the career I want, and I deserve the happiness I want. I used to tell myself that things had to be perfect and in order before I could treat myself or just be happy. Now I know that is ridiculous because we don’t know how long we have to live our lives, so why make so many rules? I want to inspire people and make them smile. That’s what I want out of a career.
I want to have adventures now and not give myself unrealistic goals before I can do them. I want to fall in love and not wait for the perfect circumstances and the perfect me because those two things will never exist. Perfection is only an idea we make to comfort us but it ends up harming us.
I want to travel, eat, write, and dress up. I want to be happy. I want to be a mom, an influencer, an inventor. I want to have the future I want without settling and without waiting for perfect circumstances to become real. I want the life I want. I want to eat the cake and not wait for the perfect time. I’m not perfect.