Ice King+Understanding Things


image

I’m slowly understanding things about my breakup. I know a whole year later, and things are starting to make sense. Now this doesn’t mean I’m still not angry at how he treated me and made me feel. But now I understand why he did.

When we were together we made promises to each other. We promised to support each other and we promised to understand each others anxiety and depression. Ice King failed at this. Mainly because he thought that eventually my anxiety and depression would just go away. It doesn’t work that way, he should know he suffers from these things as well. He wanted me to be a smiling, happy-go-lucky model citizen.

When I was feeling down and just needed a day to write and clear my mind, he made me feel guilty about it. He would say “you can write anytime, spend more time with me.” But on certain occasions he wouldn’t talk to me for at least a few days to “clear his mind”. “It’s just something I have to do sometimes, I hope you can understand that” he would tell me.

The thing is, I did understand. I’m not sure why Ice King went through the whole relationship if he didn’t really love me, that’s something I still don’t understand. Ice King thought being with me would make his anxiety and depression less, instead I was just a mirror he was trying to look away from because then he would be confronting his own anxiety and depression.

At times he made me feel like I wasn’t doing a good job as a girlfriend. When he was sick and I checked on him he complained that I was annoying. When he asked me to share my interests with him he told me he needed more intellectual conversation and that he was bored with my topics. When I told him I loved him, he snapped at me and told me I couldn’t love anyone because I didn’t even love myself. Which confused me because at the time I felt very confident with who I was and how well I was handling my anxiety. Now looking back I can say that these situations weren’t healthy characteristics of a relationship.

I’m not perfect, I get moody sometimes but I’m learning techniques to control my anxiety. Ice King wanted to only love the good parts of me, he wanted to ignore the bad parts. But you can’t do that in a relationship. I remember telling him that I loved him, all of him, the best parts and the sad parts. Every time we kissed I would say to myself that I loved him fully, that I accepted who he was and who he was trying to become. It wasn’t like that for him though, he only wanted the good parts of me.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Ice King+Understanding Things

  1. I think you were with an abusive man. Things happen for a reason. I’m documenting what happened to me as it sounds a bit like what you experienced. Stay strong. You are a wonderful person and deserve better.

    1. Thank you, I think that he was more abusive towards himself. I think he pushes people away because of his fears. The things he did I think was more to get me to leave because he can’t be in any relationship until he fully faces his own demons. You’re so sweet, thank you so much for reading this.

  2. Thank you. 🙂 I think we can support each other. Write any time. I’ll put a comment box in the About section if you want to write privately.

You can leave a comment if you like

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s