I wish I had more positive news, but right now at this very moment I feel like the inside of my body is jumping around causing havoc, while the outside wants to cry and sit in one spot. The way I described this is pretty weird, but honestly that’s how I feel. I feel like my life right now has a dark blue filter over it. I feel stuck and tired, and anxious to do the most simple everyday thing. Like get breakfast, or say excuse me. This isn’t me, this is depression and anxiety.
I haven’t been to a counselor in a few months. I’m not really sure if it even helped. I know I said it did on here but I just don’t know. I feel like every second I turn around someone is telling me to do something , and all I want to do is have a minute to breathe. I hate it when i explain I’m feeling to someone and they say “So am I”, or “You’re not the only one”. I think that if a person is brave enough to tell you that they are not feeling very well, you should give them enough respect and understanding to listen and compromise and not make them feel guilty.
Because I do feel guilty about my anxiety and my depression. If I had the choice I would’t have it, I would wake up and go about my day like everyone else. i wouldn’t cry randomly throughout the day, I wouldn’t feel anxious to get food, and I wouldn’t be nervous to say two simple everyday words to a stranger. I wish I wasn’t diabetic. I hate it, it controls my life so much. I have anxiety about my glucose levels, and the anxiety causes them to be bad. it’s a cycle I wish would stop.
I know I have been lacking with updating this, and as much as I keep saying I’ll try better, I honestly don’t know when the next burst of energy will come from.