I’m 22. Next May I will be 23. Let’s hope it doesn’t suck. Birthday’s are weird for me, mostly because I’m never really happy on them. But 23 should be different, right? It should be different because I’m learning how to control my anxiety and become a happier person. My 22nd birthday was awful. If it wasn’t for my sister and mother I don’t know how I would have gotten through it. Two weeks prior to it, Ice King dumped me. That meant the plans we made went down the drain, which meant I was left alone. This is what I did for my 22nd birthday:
Woke up in tears
Got a free drink from Starbucks
Went to the library
came home and cried
Ate chocolate cupcakes
Slept half the day
woke up and cried
went to bed and cried
Sad, right? Some of you might I just wanted pity, or that I was a cry baby, and maybe you’re right. The point is, I don’t ever want to have a birthday like that again. Next May I want to be with the people I love, I want to eat chocolate cupcakes without my tears ruining them. I want to have fun. I want to be happy.
And that brings me to Halloween. I think I previously mentioned that last Halloween I was in the ICU. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been having awful anxiety attacks. I’ve been afraid of being sick again. It’s something I’m dealing with, and talking about. I talked to my mother about it and now I feel a lot better. I don’t want to be alone that day. I want to hangout with awesome people, and not think about the negative, or the previous year. I want to be happy.